The month of November, aka the Thanksgiving month has spurred on this post. I was sitting conversing with the ever present voice in my head about life and all that is going on right now when I felt Nugget move.
He’s been moving around a lot the past week, which according to my google searches is the appropriate time to start feeling him wriggling more regularly and definitively. Although for some this doesn’t happen until week 25, it depends on your body type and composition. Anyway, feeling him move make me thankful. Thankful for this experience and all that it’s teaching me. It was hard to stop at 10 but here they are:
It’s a cliche but what can I say other than pregnancy has given me a deeper and more profound appreciation for the divinity of life and the life-force that we are intrinsically woven into. To stop and think about the moment a new life is created and how it’s done is goddamn incredible. You have sex, the egg and the sperm meet and Bam! It sounds so simple and yet so utterly confounding.
2. Bringing my dark side to the surface.
Like every challenging and life changing situation pregnancy has bubbled all sorts of interesting things to my consciousness. From body issues to self-esteem, my relationship with my parents, food, diet and exercise or my career and life choices. It’s shown me my moods when things were rough like during morning sickness or how I can behave when I’m tired or hungry and sometimes it ain’t pretty. I’m faced with ‘stuff’ on a daily basis. It’s been a time of evolution and working through a lot of emotions and without a doubt it’s helping me grow as a person.
3. My health and my body.
I think almost every woman on the planet, particularly in the western world has some form of annoying body issue that plagues them, I’m no exception to this – see above. Getting bigger by the week is an interesting concept for someone who has worked to maintain a weight/shape for most of her adult life. Fundamentally, I am so proud of my body and what it’s doing. I love the growing belly and boobs (not so much the butt, still grappling with this one) and am embracing the changes. I am thankful for how I have made my health a priority and the work I put into keeping my body strong and flexible. I’m also thankful that my body has allowed me to experience this and in particular giving birth.
4. In improved ability to accept things and not be so hard on myself.
This man has done his utmost to make sure everything is as calm and as peaceful for me and Nug as possible. I love him more deeply each day. He is working his ass off for us and moving to a whole new country so I can be with my family. Enough said.
6. My parents.
Raising children isn’t a walk in the park. My brother and I turned out pretty good and our parents are a huge part of that. I had always heard that having a baby makes you appreciate Mum and Dad more and it really does.
7. My friends.
There are some wonderful people in the world and I feel lucky to have so many of them in my life. I’m moving back to New Zealand in a month and that means some of them will be far away, but doesn’t mean I’ll love or appreciate them any less. One in particular – Kate, has even given up her bed for us and is sleeping on her couch for a month until we leave. True friendship.
I’d be a lesser person without it. I have found there’s no better way to calm the mind and work through whatever life throws at you. It’s contributed immeasurably to helping me with the points in #2 and #3.
9. The shitty times in my life.
Looking back, it’s the moments that are crushingly heartbreaking, embarrassing, scary or challenging that build a person’s character. It’s the risks I’ve taken and the ever present failures that I face to varying degrees every day that I am thankful for the most. The ability to take it in your stride and with a smile on your face really shows who you are as a person. It’s made me a more honest and open and I’m really proud of how I handle turmoil and transition now…most of the time. Thank the heavens for #8.
Having a baby has made me think about growing older and my inevitable demise more than once. At first in a scary, “holy crap” kind of a way but then my beloved told me a quote from a book he’s reading and my thoughts shifted. “Death owns life. It gives it meaning.” It’s as simple as that, if we lived forever life wouldn’t mean as much, or anything at all.